August 5 2012

I was just about to watch the final of the men's 100 metres at the Olympic Games when the phone rang. Inconvenienced as I am by my injured knee, it took me a little longer than usual to get to the phone. It stopped ringing just as I was about to pick up the receiver. By the time I got back to the sofa, the race was over. How disappointing.

I wonder if he would consider becoming the face of British tripe. Our budget is somewhat limited but I think we could offer him a three figure sum to convince the British public that tripe is making a comeback.

August 4 2012

I have just received the surprising news that as there have been no entries for the marathon at this year's Lancashire Games, participants will be permitted to drive the 28 miles.

August 3 2012

Lady Cheryl reports that she very much enjoyed the finals of the rowing event which took place on Fairhaven Lake in St Anne's today and that she was particularly impressed by the cox of the team representing Wigan.

August 2 2012

More bad news from the Lancashire Games. The pigeon shooting had to be abandoned following protests by animal rights campaigners. Very sad. Pigeon shooting has been an event at the games since 1924. Since when have pigeons been a protected species?

August 1 2012

Had to call the police this afternoon after a gang of youths gathered outside my house shouting “Wiggo! Wiggo!” I thought they were hurling abuse at me but it turns out they were only celebrating my near neighbour Bradley Wiggins’ victory in the Olympic time trial. Well done, Bradley.

The two teams accused of  trying to deliberately lose a badminton match at the Lancashire Games in order to secure an easy match in the next round have been found not guilty by Games officials when it transpired that they are just not very good.

July 31 2012

A sad day for the Lancashire Games.  A horse drowned in the water polo, the first time this has happened since 1958.

Watching the Olympic Games beach volleyball on TV. Why do the Brazilian women’s team have the word BRA on their tops when it is self-evident that they are bras? They don’t have the word SHORTS on their shorts. Very strange.

July 30 2012

I am forced to stay at home resting my injured knee and have been passing the time watching the Olympic Games on TV.

I particularly enjoyed watching the beach volleyball. When my next door neighbour, who happens to be a GP, popped in to check on me, he told me the knee was fine but my blood pressure was high.

There seems to be little or no coverage of the Lancashire Games on local TV or radio so I have to rely on Lady Cheryl’s telephone calls and reports in the local press.

Apparently there is some concern about the number of empty seats at many of the events and the sponsors and ‘corporates’ are being blamed. My absence from the Games is totally legitimate. My doctor has told me I must rest my leg for at least a week and only then will it be possible for me to leave the house in a wheelchair. The number of empty seats is, I believe, down to the organisers and their rather short sighted decision to price some seats at upwards of £2,000.

Lady Cheryl and I are both passionate about water sports. She was a member of the Lithuanian synchronized swimming team which competed at the 1996 Olympic Games, which is where we met.

She has been enjoying the men’s diving and was disappointed when young Tim Dooley failed to win a medal. To console him, she invited him out to dinner but he was unable to accept her invitation due to a prior engagement.

July 29 2012

Following days of preparation, the 2012 Lancashire Games have finally begun. The opening ceremony on Friday told the story of Lancashire from the big bang to the present day and was a spectacular affair but at six and a half hours it was perhaps a tad too long. I do think the fireworks should have come at the end of the ceremony rather than at the beginning.

The pitched battle between the Saxons and Vikings was particularly exciting but on reflection I think it was not a good idea to use real weapons. I do hope those who sustained injuries make a full and speedy recovery.

Unfortunately, I had to leave early having made a rather spectacular entrance parachuting into the arena. I landed rather awkwardly and was unable to move so had to be taken on a stretcher to the hospital where I was told I had dislocated my kneecap. I spent yesterday in hospital but am now at home in plastercast. I do hope I am fit enough to attend the beach volleyball at Blackpool next week as I have been looking forward to this event for weeks.

As there is no TV or radio coverage of the Games this year, I will have to rely on my wife, Lady Cheryl, for eyewitness reports.


 © Copyright 2012  LEB Ltd T/A The Tripe Marketing Board