Vacancies at the Tripe Marketing Board
If you think you've got what it takes to promote tripe, we'd like to hear from you. Before applying, you may wish to visit our Books page or FAQs to find out more about what tripe is, how it is prepared and why people buy it. Or you can study our Industry News updates. If after doing so you are still interested, please send your CV to our Director of Recruitment, Mr Steve Lewin (firstname.lastname@example.org) stating the reference for the position you are interested in.
TMB Board Members
Are you under 85?
Have you got what it takes to become a TMB board member?
Due to a number of recent retirements, we have vacancies on our board with immediate effect. If you are prepared to devote at least 3 hours a month to promoting tripe and can travel to meetings in Barnsley, we'd like to hear from you. A rudimentary knowledge of ruminant anatomy will help, but don't worry if you don't know your honeycomb from your bible tripe - full training will be given.
The post brings occasional opportunities for foreign travel so a full UK passport and a second language are requirements of the role.
For an informal discussion, please e-mail our chairman, Sir Norman Wrassle at email@example.com.
These are voluntary positions and we welcome applications from all people regardless of sexual orientation, dialect, disability or taste for tripe. We regret that these positions are unsuitable for vegans.
Have you got what it takes to become a TMB courier?
98% of tripe lovers live in a tripe desert - a part of the UK where it's impossible to buy fresh tripe - and are forced to buy frozen tripe (which can be volatile and dangerous to handle) or inferior products such as liver, lungs or spleen. As a TMB Courier, you will be transporting fresh tripe from Lancashire mainly to exiled northerners living in the south of England.
You must hold a degree in media studies, ceramics or physics, have your own transport and clean driving licence and be able to travel at short notice.
Please note these are voluntary positions but travelling expenses will be paid at 5p per mile.
Customer Service Advisors
Do you like tripe? Do you dislike people?
If you can answer yes honestly to both these questions then you may have what it takes to become a Tripe Advisor customer service advisor.
Tripe Advisor is the UK's no 1 tripe advisory service. It is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Tripe Marketing Board and our Freephone service takes dozens of calls every year. We are now looking to recruit customer service advisors.
As a Tripe Advisor customer service advisor, you will be answering questions such as:
Where can I buy tripe?
What is the safest way to dispose of unwanted tripe?
Is tripe safe to eat?
Does tripe taste as disgusting as it looks?
Help, I have just accidentally eaten some tripe. What should I do?
I have just eaten some tripe and am perspiring heavily. Is this normal?
Where can I buy vegetarian tripe?
Is tripe safe for babies?
Is tripe safe for dogs?
Is tripe safe?
We currently have vacancies in our Mumbai, Darjeeling, Kuala Lumpur and Preston call centres. You will receive a competitive salary and as much free tripe as you can eat.
TMB Political Lobbyists
Think you've got what it takes to promote tripe?
Tripe is one of the least popular foodstuffs in the UK. Many people have said that they would rather eat their own hand than eat tripe. We're looking for people with vision, a commitment to our values and above all a desire to put the case for tripe in today's fast-moving political environment.
We're looking for people who've got the friends and contacts in the places that really matter - the newsrooms, the political parties and the corridors of power. You may be an MP, a member of the Lords or just an ex-Minister with time on your hands but no real desire to spend it with your family.
Help us put tripe top of the meat agenda where it matters.
Although not essential, a knowledge of ruminant anatomy may help.
You can give as much time as you like to promoting tripe - we pay a flat rate fee of £395 per hour.
Working as a lobbyist with the TMB you’ll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping re-establish a foodstuff that once fuelled the industrial revolution in North West Britain. As tripe slowly regains its market share, you can take pride in your contribution to that process.
Do you spend most of the day watching TV or listening to the radio? Do you want to do something more worthwhile than watching Jeremy Kyle and The X Factor?
Thanks to recent funding from the East Lancashire Borough Council, the Tripe Marketing Board is looking to recruit media watchdogs. As a media watchdog your job will be to scour the media for negative uses of the word tripe and to report them to our communications team so that a suitable rebuttal can be organised.
Please note these positions are unpaid but you will receive a small allowance to meet the cost of buying pizzas and other takeaways.
To qualify as a media watchdog you must complete a two week training course. The course fee (currently £2,500) can be paid in installments over a 12 month period (APR 1200%). Volunteer watchdogs are also welcome.
We regret that these positions are only open to humans. Watchdogs need not apply.