Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has moved swiftly to reassure tripe consumers that supplies of the product will continue to meet demand as England moves into ‘Lockdown 2’.

Norman Wrassle

Sir Norman Wrassle

Speaking from his Lytham home, Sir Norman said there was absolutely no need to panic buy: “We’ve been monitoring tripe stocks on a day-by-day basis and our staff have been making all the necessary calculations.  We think we’ve got enough to survive a combination of three No Deal Brexits, two pandemic illnesses and a catastrophic nuclear war that wipes out half of the UK’s population,” he said.

Sir Norman said it would nevertheless be prudent for people to consider buying a couple of extra kilos per week, as this would massively increase sales figures.  “It’s a fine line between stocking up and hoarding, but we have every faith that tripe consumers won’t cross that line,” he said.