The Tripe Marketing Board has appointed Mr Chris Whitmore as its new Health & Safety adviser. Mr Whitmore will have responsibility for assessing all merchandise retailed by the TMB through its online shop, and preparing suitable warnings to prevent misuse by purchasers.
Chris was born in the days before Danger was a cartoon rodent with a sidekick and with a face which directly led to the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974. Since then, he has concentrated mainly on getting older whilst remaining focused on health, safety and a reported obsession with education industrial relations.
The appointment comes after the TMB was contacted by an irate customer who had inadvertently lodged a 1-inch pin badge behind his eyelid. Although the pin was safely secured at the time, the incident nevertheless caused a great deal of discomfort to the individual concerned.
TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said he was devastated when he heard the news, and he had ordered an immediate review of the potential for injury amongst customers. Speaking earlier today Sir Norman said, “I know that, in the wrong hands, a TMB pen can do a lot of damage, but no one anticipated this kind of thing with a badge.” Sir Norman said he could not understand why the individual had placed the badge behind his eyelid, but added, “In an era when people wear surgical masks to protect their chins from virus exposure I suppose we have to expect this sort of thing.”
Until the badges can be properly assessed a temporary warning note will be sent out with all orders, as well as to new members of Tripe Club, which includes a membership badge.